Thursday, December 13, 2007

"Just" adopt

I really enjoyed this article by Sarah Kelly. It's about the well-intended phrase tossed out by so many people who don't know what else to say when confronted with infertility - "You can always just adopt."

Not sure if the link above will work - and don't want to violate any copyright laws but here are some excerpts -

"Which is why you cannot tell someone to “just adopt.” As if there were anything “just” about it. It’s not like, “Hmm, what should I do today? Oh, I know! I’d love to fill out 500 government forms! I’ll just do that today! And then I’ll just schedule multiple visits with social workers, request letters of reference, declarations of good health, a complete financial inventory—I’ll lay bare every aspect of my life that can be summarized on paper. And then I’ll just have everything notarized. In triplicate.”

The complicated process aside, before making a new map for your life and choosing to adopt, you need to go as far as you feel comfortable going with treatment, mourn not being pregnant, and say goodbye to the future you assumed you’d have.

I liked the last paragraph too:

After everything my husband and I went through in our quest for the “miracle of life,” I know now what the real miracle is. Through everything—through miles and oceans and air and time and loss and grief and healing and acceptance and love—we found a way to our son and he found his way to us.

Kudos to you, Sarah Kelly - lots of heads are nodding in agreement and appreciation for what you put into words.

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